French Fighting Mimes

On the eighteenth of June 1815 Napoleon Bonaparte fought and lost what would be his last battle just outside the sleepy Belgian town of Waterloo; finally putting an end to his rule as emperor of France.

The battle of Waterloo was described by Wellington himself as “the nearest run thing you ever saw in your life”. The battle saw fierce fighting and heavy losses on both sides, with an estimated forty five thousand men either dead or injured. The battle has been scrutinised for nearly two hundred years now, but the main reason for Napoleons defeat is still seen as his heavy reliance on mimes.

Napoleon had between three and four thousand fighting mimes, all veterans within his ranks on the morning of the battle. The 1^st Regiment of Mime were a personal favourite of Napoleon who had started the regiment after seeing a show in Paris in the summer of 1804. He believed that mime was the future of the armed forces due to their ability to seemingly carry out any task without the use of any implements, tools or weapons. He would regularly exhibit the mimes on parade, climbing invisible ladders and taking cover behind see through walls.

At waterloo the 1^st Regiment of mime had been kept in reserve to be used only in an emergency. Throughout the day the battle had raged back and forth, canon fire had caused heavy losses due to the mimes complete belief that they could catch cannon balls in their beret’s and throw them back at the enemy. By eight o’ clock in the evening all seemed lost and Napoleon could see only one outcome, defeat. With a heavy sigh he ordered his beloved mimes into battle. The 1^st regiment advance down the hillside along imaginary walls in columns to fight the bemused English Foot guards who were sheltering from cannon fire. Against all odds the mimes were able to push back the Foot Guards; mainly due to the fact their commanding officer Maitland suffered a laughing fit. General Wellington noticing the minor fallback of his troops ordered in cavalry. The French commander not a mime himself and unused to handling the specialised troops ordered the mimes to form into a square formation. Unfortunately this was misheard by the mimes who immediately began to try to escape from imaginary boxes. The cavalry troops decimated the trapped mimes with ease leaving none alive. It would prove to be the deciding encounter of the battle.

Today the French Army still has a small battalion of fighting mimes but their duties are purely ceremonial.