The Bumper Blog of Lies

November 24, 2007

Cirque du Pirates

Filed under: Circus Lies, Historical Lies, Pirate Lies — dissimulator @ 7:31 pm
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Lowe’s Pirate Flag

Edward Low was one the most notorious pirates of what is referred to as the Golden age of piracy, in the early 18th century. With a reputation for scuttling the ships he captured after violently torturing anyone onboard, his name struck terror into the hearts of all sailing in the waters off the Americas.

So in the summer of 1722, when the crew of the French ship La Motte saw the distinctive black flag and red skull and bones raised on the approaching ship, they abandoned their passengers and tried to escape in lifeboats.

Lowe ever one for an opportunity to show his cruelty, had the small boats fired on by cannon at close range. Happy that he had despatched the crew, he and his men easily boarded the merchant carrier. Lowe had been under the impression that La Motte would be carrying silk and hopefully some gold, however on opening up the hold he was confronted with his prize, The Paris Circus.

Lowe flew into a furious rage and ordered the elephant to walk the plank for his own amusement whilst he thought of what to do. Luckily elephants are exceptionally good swimmers and the pachyderm was able to make it to nearby Sable Island off the coast of Nova Scotia. Despite being in a somewhat different climate the elephant lived to ripe old age and was even later integrated into a group of horses abandoned there in the great expulsion of 1755.

Back onboard La Motte Lowe’s mood had not improved, and he forced the jugglers to perform with heated cannonballs on the edge of the ship before kicking them overboard as a finale. His greatest savagery however was saved for the clowns, for he had held a deep hatred of them ever since attending a circus as a boy, and having one pretend to throw water over him. All clowns were Keelhauled (dragged beneath the ship) in full outfits and makeup. On returning to the deck they were forced to say “it’s not really water, its just glitter” ten times whilst dancing from one leg to another.

Most of the remaining performers were simply put to the sword and the animals used to stock Lowe’s, now gourmet society like larder. The only two exceptions were the lions, which Lowe ordered put in cages on the deck. He had decided to try unleashing them on the next ship they boarded to further enhance his blood thirsty image. The only other survivor was a dwarf by the name of Jean Dubois. Dubois had been orphaned into the circus due to his condition and although he was initially trained in circus arts he was quickly found to be an excellent scholar and mathematician. He no longer performed and was in fact the company’s accountant.

Lowe who had never seen a dwarf before decided that he was the funniest creature he had ever seen and demanded that he “juggle some bananas like the little monkey he was”. When Dubois tried to explain that he was in fact an accountant and couldn’t juggle Lowe cut off his right hand. Despite his injury Dubois survived and Lowe kept him onboard in the role of “Ships Midget”.

Dubois managed to stay alive throughout the next year whilst Lowe became increasingly savage and desperate in his attacks on the local shipping. By now, him and his entire crew were wanted men and were constantly on the run from the British Navy.

Having left the Americas and crossed back across the Atlantic, Lowe now preyed upon ships off the coast of West Africa.

Having spotted what Lowe believed to be a whaling ship he ordered the crew to get ready to repel boarders and unfurl all sails to close on their prey. Only once they had closed in to strike did they realise the whaler was in fact a Spanish ship of the line, carrying eighty guns and at least two hundred men. Before Lowe could make quick his escape in his faster schooner the warship opened fire with devastating effect. The Broadside killed huge numbers of the crew and nearly snapped the main mast.

Luckily for Dubois, one cannonball struck and shattered the chain attached to his leg manacle, freeing him. Not wasting the opportunity Dubois grabbed a pistol and cutlass from a fallen pirate and released the lions from their cages. The lions who had been starved pounced on the ships mate, giving him the dubious honour of becoming the first man to be eaten by a lion at sea. The effect on the already desperate sailors was instantanous and they rushed to the lifeboats whilst fighting of the beasts.

Dubois was last seen on his way to the poop deck presumably to avenge his fellow circus friends on Lowe.

The sailors who abandoned ship were picked up by the Spanish and later hanged, though due to the arrival of a French ship in the area the Spanish did not immediately take Lowe’s ship as a prize. It was discovered one day later run aground on the coast of Guinea. On inspection the ship was found to be empty of Lowe’s rumoured treasure and the only life aboard was a lone lion chewing a mans severed hand.

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